How to soften a biscuit.

I saw someone today trying to deal with the frequent and totally avoidable irritation of trying to fish a soggy biscuit out of a cup a tea, for which I have no sympathy. I think somebody did some research once on the optimum time to dunk a biccy before it falls apart, taking the temperature dependence and other variables into account of course. But there should be no need for research like this if people would just learn to do biscuit softening the right way, which is to dunk it in your mouth.

Obviously the best way to soften a biscuit before eating it is not to dunk it into your tea. If you do that you'll get 3 possible problems.

1)The most annoying of course is you leave it dipped in the tea too long, it falls apart, and you end up with a biscuit sludge at the bottom of your cup. Which is crap.

2)Dunking lets small amounts of sugars and possibly chocolate topping to dissolve into your tea, changing the sweetness. Which is crap.

3)Finally, (really just the converse of 1) it's hard to control the softening of the biscuit, meaning that you may leave it too short a time and the biscuit is still hard.

This can all be solved by doing the following, first break up the biscuit into mouth-sized pieces. Put a piece in your mouth, take a mouthful of tea. You dunk it in your mouth. Enjoy. All the aforementioned problems are solved.

Now this does have a small problem which is that with a mouthful of tea and biscuit you can't talk, depending on the biscuit type, for anything from 2 to 8 seconds. But all in all I think that this can be overlooked cause dunking biscuits in your mouth makes the world a slightly better place.

Thanks for the lecture. Not.

The worst thing about this time of the year is the standard and tired round up of the year. Everywhere, newspapers, radio and television, assailed from every angle by rehashed events and equally rehashed analysis. Yes I know I was there, thank you very much.

By far the most annoying however are the ones whining about what a materialistic, soulless or uncouth society we have allegedly become. Blah, blah blah.

Even Pres McAleese got in on the act, telling us that if you use drugs you're responsible for gangland murders as you support the drugs market. Shouldn't that read that people who think they're entitled to tell other people what to do, who support banning drugs and distorting that market are responsible for the murders by putting the trade into the hands of very violent people. How many publicans have ordered hits on their competitors? How many wars or criminals do breweries support when buying raw materials. Oh yeah, none.

Why? Penalties for illegal drug dealing are stiff, possibly a good many years in prison and the rewards are great due to high prices caused by tight supply. Therefore drug dealers are incentivised to be violent,(a) to avoid prison by threatening or killing potential informants. And (b) to reap the rewards by crushing other gangs. Duh.

If legal these negative incentives would be removed. But then drugs are bad for you, and it's for your own good. Oh and what about the children, won't you please think of the children.

Nothing more annoying than being lectured by someone that I didn't even get a chance to vote for.

Work fun

In work today comrade asked me which hole on the sorting frame a particular letter went into. It (the hole) wasn't labelled or numbered 'cause I'd know where the letter would go so I didn't bother to label it. Anyway I show her the box, and murmur (more to myself than to her) ''I must put a label on that''. To which comrade replies, with this surly pissy tone ''yeah you should''. Miaoooow.

Relax man.

There'll be roving bands of droogs next

There are days when Breda O Brien obviously decides that today is not a day for facts or logic but for truthiness and common knowledge and feeling in her columns. Days where unsupported assertions, nameless fears, hyperbole and rhetoric are given free rein. Today is one of those days.

For example, today (subscription) Breda tells us that apparently the Pussycat Dolls(who?) are ''presented as role models''. Really? Sounds a bit unlikely to me I have to say. They're also ''allegedly icons of female empowerment''. Says who exactly?

Better yet, Breda goes on....
''It is not too far-fetched to suggest that our culture ''grooms'' young girls into a belief that sexual availability is the norm, and that any hesitancy about sexual activity is evidence of grim oppression''

Ummm, actually I would say its too far fetched actually, for a start culture is one of those usefully vague words that tend to be (ab)used when someone has no evidence and wants to make sweeping statements. Along the lines of ''this thing-that-I-don't-like is out there in our culture so obviuosly it must be having some effect'' The Pussycat Dolls are part of our culture therefore our culture grooms (a slightly loaded word) young girls. No not really. Then follows some hand wringing about the proposed lowering of the age of consent for girls to 16 (the age for boys is 15, they get all the fun) sending the wrong message. Teenagers will hear this and start going at it like rabbits (assuming they're not already)

Ooh but best of all, now comes some abuse of statistics to imply that society may fall (I may be paraphrasing here).

''There is a direct link between educational disadvantage and deprivation of all kinds, and early sexual activity''

Correlation is not causation Breda, having sex as a teenager will not suddenly make your family poor, make you fail exams or turn your school into a kip. Changing the age of consent will change none of these things. Not changing the age of consent will change none of these things. Or maybe she's proposing that we keep the lower orders in line? Or something like that.

Crap

Had to work today only for two hours mind and it does save time on Monday, but still very annoying. Even more annoying I've to do the same next Saturday and do some deliveries Sunday which couldn't suck more balls. The reasons why Sunday deliveries suck balls are legion but mostly 'cause most people are not working, consequently there are more cars in driveways, more children around and a greater likelihood of having to speak to people.

More cars in driveways are bad as I can't then cycle right up to the door, which means I'll have to get off and find somewhere to prop the feckin' bike up, all of which takes precious time.

More children means more pointless questions that for some reason you can never seem to answer to their satisfaction like, ''why are you wearing boots'', ''is that your bike''. More ''do you have post for mikes house'' Em who's mike?? More ''hello postman Pat'' (sorry, that's just not that witty, incidentally even less so from adults) and more renditions of his feckin' song. (I'll give you my theory on him later)

On to the last problem with Sunday deliveries, meeting and therefore having to talk to more people. Firstly, no point sugar coatin' it, I'm a taciturn and a slightly frosty sort of guy, charming banter and witty repartee just aren't part of my programme. So we're just wasting each others time, and because I have to work till all my post is delivered that means you're adding time on to the end of my day dammit. Second I've been up since 6:15 and pretty crabby due to the fours of extra sleep (at least) that I'd usually get on a Sunday that I've now missed out on. Oh yeah I looove days like that.

Fudge It

For once I agree completely with a trade unionist, specifically about how bad an idea it is to remove the price of cigarettes from the CPI, as reported in the Times(subscription) today. This idea's been promoted by Ash for a while so as to allow large tax increases on a pack of cigarettes. People need to be saved from themselves after all. Oh and other European countries have done it so it must be a good idea. Anyway Cowen's apparently(1) in favour, which is slightly worrying seeing as how removing something from the CPI doesn't remove its influence on the actual inflation rate, just on reported inflation and you'd think the Minister for Finance might know that(2). Inflation goes on whether it's reported or not or whether it's ignored, so all this big idea would do is fudge the numbers. But it's in such a good cause what harm could it do?

(1)Forgive the cynic in me but it's equally likely that he just spotted some kudos in supporting something that'll probably go nowhere but will allow him to look concerned.

(2)Maybe it's the same thing as in (1), he does but doesn't care, or possibly maybe he's just a fool.

The Moonbase

I doubt this will get too far, sounds expensive and more than a little bit vague. For example

''to extend human presence to the Moon to enable eventual settlement.''

''to expand Earth's economic sphere, and conduct lunar activities with benefits to life on the home planet.''

''to use a vibrant space exploration program to engage the public, encourage students and help develop the high-tech workforce that will be required to address the challenges of tomorrow.''

That last one is meaningless PR speak. NASA will never get enough funding to do it, and anyway it could be better spent on other scientific projects, probes and the like.

Dishwashers

This post puts at risk my precious anonymity 'cause I go on about this all the time though I wouldn't have to if people did the sensible thing and packed the bloody things correctly. The whole point of having a dishwasher is so that you don't have to wash dishes by hand.

It stands to reason therefore that it should packed for maximum efficiency. Not so full that some of the dishes don't wash fully and then you have to sort the partially clean from the rest and then clean them again. Annoying.

A sloppily loaded one is just as bad 'cause it leaves stuff that should be in the machine to be hand washed. You could leave the surplus stuff lying around till the first load's finished and then repack it I suppose but that's just a waste. Much simpler to do it right in the first place.

Chips

I can't stand any kind of prepared freezer chips or oven chips. Reconstituted potato masquerading as something tasty, just disgusting. Not that I'm some kind of foodie or whatever they're called, but the only chips that are worthy of the name are the ones you make yourself. Five minutes is all it takes to peel and chip enough for about three people. Soak them to get rid of the starch, dry, then fry turning up the heat for the last few minutes to crisp them up a bit, beautiful. Freezer chip just don't seem to cook or crisp up right. They always seem to have this bizarre, oddly chewy rubbery texture. I mean chewy chips are just are not on. I'd swear they have an aftertaste too but I seem to alone in thinking that. I don't know, maybe its some kind of placebo effect or something but I'd bet I'm not the only one who hates the things.

Or chips from chippers either now that I think of it or at least none from any I've gone to, just always a bit too soggy fro my taste. Crispy dammit.

Really annoying

Another politician gets her two cent in on childcare, one Senator Mary White in the Times to be exact. Pols love this thing, the whole ''think of the children'' bit. Lets them to look caring and concerned about hard pressed ordinary people, the expense of it, to worry about the effect it has on society....blah,blah,blah. If you can get people in the heart you can bypass their brains i suppose. Anyway the good senators idea amounts to the same idea that all pols in Ireland have for every problem or supposed problem, which is throw money and regulations at it. Ironically the headline reads ''New approach to childcare needed''. New approach my eye.

There is a reason why childcare is expensive, it's labour intensive, every five children must legally be looked after by at least one adult, and looking after children is hard work. So childcare workers probably aren't on the minimum wage. Therefore the fees for each child has to cover one fifth of the childminders salary and one fifth of the costs of running the creche, such as rent, food energy bills and so on. If the childminder earns about 400 a week , 20800 a year, each child costs at least 4000 a year to keep in a creche. The only way to make childcare more affordable is for the childminder to take a pay cut (or to try automating it: ) neither of which are likely). The other way to do it of course is to make somebody else pay for it, which is the senators dynamically amazing plan. Though making people pay for the consequences of other peoples decisions seems unfair to me. If you think childcare is too expensive, stay at home and look after your children yourself. If you need the job to pay the mortgage well presumably you're still coming out ahead after childcare costs (otherwise you're an idiot) so any childcare subsidy is basically a direct handout to the parents, from other taxpayers.

Of course i'm being ''deeply ideological'' (latest buzz-phrase), why, oh why won't I think of the children.

Brainwashed

Just realised that in the last post I called people customers. The corporate newspeak is finally starting to take hold. It's too late late for me now, it's only a matter of time before I'm using buzzwords like dynamic, sustainable and team-work seriously. Fuckwit phrases like e-(insert word of the day here), knowledge-based and joined-up (insert other word of the day here) and the like will soon start to pepper my speech like flies on a cow pat. On the other hand i could use these new found skills to become a politician. Hmmm maybe there's a bridge I can jump off first though ; )

Niiiiice

Got a new bike for the office today. This wouldn't be a big deal, but a ''new bike'' in my office usually means three years old, thoroughly battered by the guys in the main office and with brakes that seem to be more for ornamental purposes rather than for actually stopping. Even when fixed up they never feel quite right. So when i came back to the office to see a bright shiny factory fresh model at the office waiting for me my jaw dropped. Surprised cause it actually arrived, bossman wasn't shitting my comrade. I promise to be less cynical in future. Anyway it gives an odd feeling of luxury to ride the thing, good brakes, gears that work and lights which might stop me getting run down all of which are nice. But best of all it has...try to contain your excitement....a bell. Yep you'd be surprised how much fun a bell can be. Went round all day ringing the feckin' thing laughing my head off, the customers must have thought i was losing it. I didn't even get too wet today, all in all a good day.

Re: title

It's about two years since i graduated and I'm still in the same town doing the same non-degree related job. nothing in particular wrong with either the town or the job, both are alright but that's the problem. what am i going to tell the grand kids about my twenties? That they were "alright"? Crap-tacular. Anyway seems a waste of all that time in college and i miss the lab, wearing a lab coat makes you feel smart i think, which is cool and good for the old ego. So option 1) get a new job that involves the degree or option 2) go back to college and into grad school.

the problem with option 1 is of course, interviews, anything from a half-hour(bad) to an hour of trying to listen to/talk HR speak. you know they're talking crap and they know you're spoofing but goddammit we'll sit there pretending like we don't. I mean how can they sit there listening to rubbish answers to "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" and keep a straight face? my track record just hasn't been brilliant so far. and finally suits, i mean i look like a complete eejit in one.. eh, well more so than usual which is why there's....

option 2) the PhD way. not sure if this is really an option or is just here 'cause I've got a limited imagination. Might be just out of habit, I've been using the ''oh i was thinking of doing a PhD'' to deflect family, friends and the odd total stranger when they ask what I'm doing with my life for so long that it's like a reflex. but it would be interesting.

The Why.

I thought I'd give this blogging thing a whirl, maybe a chance to vent a little steam, i mean maybe I'm being a bit paranoid but I'd almost swear that some of my fellow man are actively trying to annoy me, mostly by doing things in the most half-arsed, half thought out way they can ; )